9/30/20 8:46 AM
I’ve mentioned the necessity to do the check dance before in a previous post on the first date dos and don’ts for women. Anyway, i’ve been asked repeatedly how the check dance is done and while i promise to produce a video version soon once my throat heals, here’s a written explanation of how the check dance should be done, BY WOMEN -huge grin.
First off, get on all fours on the table
Step 1) When the check comes, all guys have been drilled in a top secret lesson conducted in high school to immediately receive the check without hesitation, never once establishing eye contact with the women until the bill is paid.
Step 2) The woman must then interject here at the exact point when the guy is flipping through his wallet for his credit card/money/pieces of gold (if he insists to pay by those). A weak extension of the arm and a half hearted display of resistance should be done, accompanied by the phrase, “Oh, it’s okay let me pay for my meal.” And at this point, reach slowly into her bag to fish out her purse.
Step 3) If the guy has been properly drilled in the top secret lesson, he would automatically reply something along the lines of, “No it’s alright, i’ve got this.” before finishing up the payment.
Step 4) When the check is paid, the woman must then produce a GENUINE smile and nod of appreciation while the action is returned by the man, who would find it harder to produce a genuine smile depending on the circumstance of the date he is on.
Possible Bad Scenarios
These are possible bad scenarios that have occurred in the past and thus recorded in history as valuable lessons.
Scenario 1 : The guy doesn’t pick up the check.
Solution : Very rare case indeed, however, in this situation, you are actually allowed and protected by law to run your pointed heel into the guy’s foot and smile. He will get the hint.
Scenario 2 : The guy only pays for his share.
Solution : Not risking your own pride, do pay for your share first. After which depending on your location, you’re again allowed and protected by law to nudge him into an oncoming truck or to lock him out of his car and drive off.
Scenario 3 : The guy does everything right, but asks if you’re going to pay up for your share after the check is settled.
Solution : Direct him to this website’s article. -grins.
Rehearse, Rehearse, Rehearse
On a final note, it’s crucial that you rehearse the check dance technique to perfection as a slight slip up could result in either the guy being ran over by a truck, or you being mauled to death by alley cats.
Cheers and all the best to your future check dances! My apologies for not being able to produce a video yet as i’m actually suffering from a case of Mononucleosis, a.k.a the kissing disease. Hilarious name eh?
7 WAYS YOU’RE NOT REALLY HELPING…
Every guy loves the little attentions his girlfriend or spouse shows him. Men are drawn to women’s nurturing ways. It’s practically addicting. Maybe it’s a mommy thing. You know, like the way our moms coddled us when we were toddlers and pre-teens? How many times have big stwong men been reduced to prepubescence at the first sign of a sniffle, only to be rescued by his better half? Most of us guys hold our moms on the highest of pedestals, so when that particular characteristic is highly present in a potential partner it’s like bees to nectar. Almost irresistible.
On the other hand….
There are times when a lady will say or do the absolute worst thing in a given predicament even though her intent is to soothe a situation or offer some helpful advice.
I’ve come up with 7 such situations. These are things women should just avoid offering up, no matter how helpful she believes she’s being because in all likelihood, she’s probably throwing gasoline on the fire.
Let me show you how… This one is all about ego. You know how you’ve always believed that your guy just HATES to admit that he’s not able to do something? Well you were right. Just don’t say anything. Do what you’ve already been doing: let him do it wrong then you come through and do it your way – errr I mean – the RIGHT way.
Size doesn’t matter. I mean come on. This one is downright insulting. You know this is a lie. The guy knows it’s a lie. Suuuuuuuuure, it’s not what you’ve got, it’s how you use it. But if he aint got it, he probably won’t be using it.
Ask for directions/It’s faster if you go this way… Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t. But you know what? He’s already embarrassed and ashamed because he’s gotten you lost. Now you want to compound the problem with your logic? How dare you! We’ll get there when we get there!
How to manage his money. – Of course no one NEEDS an 80 inch television. But we’re getting it any way! Bad credit be damned!
It’s just a game. – Is it? Is it really? You know what? If your guy is upset over a big loss the WORST thing to say is this. Because it is so NOT just a game. He’s not a fool. He knows that a win or loss by his favorite team isn’t going to cure cancer – but that knowledge doesn’t make that last second loss to a hated rival go down any easier.
You should just … – Ugh. This is one of the WORST ways to start any kind of advisory statement. Because that opening phrase implies that something is easy. Solutions are generally pretty simple…execution of those solutions….not really as easy as that. You should just lose weight. You should just root for another team. You should just stop watching porn. If it was that easy everyone would do it!
You shouldn’t be eating… - This is another insulting one. Again implying that the guy is completely unaware. Hey, by a certain age, most people in general know that consuming more calories than you burn will lead to a few medical problems. But he still wants every artery-clogging morsel of that steak. Back off!
Ok, what did I miss? Feel free to add to our list!